Quitting is the same as dying.. online.

A part of me just died. Fear not, it isn't a vital organ. It's not someone close to me, not something dear to me, not something I'm going to miss. And not something I'll ever forget.

And if you can't guess what it is, don't worry. You aren't supposed to, this isn't a contest and certainly not a guessing game. And, for those of you who already feel like redirecting to your homepage or some other site of higher importance, I'll make this quick and easy.

I've decided to discontinue my blog.

That is all. I hope it makes news around the world, though I'm not counting on it. I hope it puts a smile on your face. I hope you're happy for me, or for having been rid of the obligation of keeping track of this. I hope that somehow, my decision benefits you. Because no matter how much I'd like to believe that I don't care what others think, I'll be wrong.

I do care, my personality is but of eccletic nature which is why I can hate and like things in a way which most others find absurd. I absorb the personalities of others, prose of the books I read, ideas of wise men, theories of vigilant researches. Everything I see and hear, and love and care for, and hate and fear, all becomes a part of me. If I can't care for your opinion, your views about my views, your ideas and your response, who else do I have to care for? God? He sure as hell would never wipe my tears, but you might. And it's strangely satisfying to have your existance constantly confirmed by those who surround you and form that circle of security which keeps you from going off limits and getting lost, with their words and reactions and emotions. As weak as it makes me sound, I've never felt stronger. Honesty is underrated, indeed.

Why was I so cynical? I never really meant to have others take this blog to be something of my perspective on life. When you go through the contents, you do not see the world through my eyes, but only as I see it through the eyes of a desperate father, a slave, a delinquent, a sadist, a thief, someone who has lost something, or someone who gained something at the price of losing something more valuable. These are aspects of human nature, dark ones if not the darkest. And while I am (unparticularly) none of the above, I'm not incapable of emotion. I can feel what they feel, a good part of it. And I undstand their need for purpose and responsibility, or freedom and kindness. Not fully, but as well as I can.

Of course, this is really just, too beautiful compared with everything else I said in this blog. 'Laden' with sarcasm as it was, it was also thirsty for compassion. But I was not the one who could quench this thirst, you were. And for a good part, you did well. And for a small part, you did what was expected, but still appreciated. Not that I have any right to judge people to begin with. Not that I care for rights at all. But my goals in writing were two:
a) to vomit my sickening thoughts
b) to make no effort of hiding this intention

I'm not discontinuing it now for some higher purpose, or great deed. Or because someone hates me for it, worse yet loves me. I've just lost the need for something such as this. I can't say if I've found a better sewer, I probably haven't.

But I've come to a realisation, that easier than vomiting these thoughts, is letting them illuminate your understanding. Rather thinking of it as letting them feast your insides, let them dig deeper into you and explore you so you can understand yourself. Running away from your problems doesn't get rid of them, that's only true for bad supervillains. Facing them isn't smart, either. But using them to understand why they became problems to begin with, is what I see as a productive (if not the most productive) way of handling things. It might not be the greatest idea ever, but it's the best I've got so far and until I find a better one.

Already, this is getting repetitive and laborious to read, I know this because I tried reading it. Maybe it's just me. Anyway. It was great having you all, my dearest readers. I might not suspend blogging indefinitely, I might get a new blog. But this is the end of the road for Bornsatin. I hope you enjoyed the emotional rollercoaster with nothing but vertical depressions.

Stay tuned for updates, drop in once-a-month, if you can. I don't insist, I hope.

Here's a list for any random lurker, or reader who finds this site. Posts myself and others thought were worth reading: (in chronological order)

Godspeed, the journey is a shit one : )

Capitalism: A God is You! (or me)

Well, it's been a while since I criticized God. Contrary to the obvious assumption, I'm not about to do it here. I'm going to do something much more offensive, target your (and my) species.

Well, this might get a little bit poignant so if you're not used to being insulted or opposed personally, well (you probably are if you read my blog, my apologies and gratitude), keep reading this! You need the experience.

Ah... first off. I'd like to establish that I've never truly hated God. Her and I agree on many topics in fact, and quite frankly if I were in her position I wouldn't give a crap about this race either. Why? I'm too great, and humans are too dislikeable. It'll be like chasing after pond amoeba, maybe much less rewarding. They're just microscopic filth (as are we), and thus easier to kill/exterminate. And so God did what I would've done. Integrate them with an entropic mechanism, and leave the freedom of choice to them. So really, God's done nothing wrong so far, you (we) have.

Now I'd like to make the distinction between your God and mine. They're entirely different creatures. Your God isn't even your's. You are that religious asswipe who wishes hell for me, or has the guts to openly declare my damnation. You had someone else decide your beliefs, systems, morals, laws, and God for you. When really, the chance of us following the righteous religion is already 1/40,000th or something. And suppose you win that lottery, the odds of God approving your religious expectations or fulfilling the promises of heaven and hell you made to each other, are laughably stupid for something to count on as a life plan.

With that cleared up, I’d re-enforce the fact. I do not hate God, it’s human’s I don’t trust and they started religions. It probably amuses God to know what absurdity he’s accredited for, so much so that he doesn’t bother to interfere and instead watches the show on his IMAX home theatre. He’s a real chill. He doesn’t really want us to kill each other, but he’s given us the potential to pick either side.

Perhaps he did this to evaluate his own nature. If he built us in his image, he did it so he could sort out his own preferences, by having parts of himself act and react to situations. Damn, that’s far-fetched. A hell lot simpler and (meta)logical than most of the crap you try to spoon-feed/beat-into us. [/naive speculation]

Whichever the case may be, if God’s up there, the last thing on his mind while he made us would’ve probably been for us to give him attention. Remember, necessity and need are human attributes and requirements. A part of being God is not needing such things, and transcending human emotions and desires. Do you at least see where I’m cuming from?

Moral of the story: All work and no pray makes Jack a rich muthafucka.

Stop thinking about God, he doesn’t need your prayers to live as much as you need your time to survive through the quandaries you’ve collectively laid out for yourselves. Why should you listen to me despite of me sounding aggravatingly utilitarian? It’s because I might be God’s way of counselling you to do something worthwhile and beneficial for yourself and others. Regardless of what you believe in, there’s always the chance of it being the truth, no?

I realise how I alternate between genders (of God) now and then but that’s just my internal conflict reflected through careless writing. Yeah, eye reallii dunt go bck 2 addit theze.

Boy's Don't Cry

Yeah, I've been having some werid experiences lately. I thought I'd share.

-To the woman in the elevator:

Please do not stare at me, it is rude. It is also unbelivably scary, you little creep. It's bad enough I have the elevator camera watching my paranoid ass everytime I get on board, why add to the claustrophobia? Perhaps because you had a boy my age who died/left you/raped you/maintained a perpetual-stare-at-you-in-an-elevator, guess what, I'm not him. Leave me the hell alone old woman. I'm not going to say start a conversation, and I'm not going to smile. So for your own vertebral sake, keep your desperate eyes off me.

-To the guy at the supermarket:

Sorry, I do not have money for a wasted piece of teen-shit like yourself (or any stranger for that matter). From your clothing, I guess you've had a troubling life, a mother who left your father for a better man, your father who left you for an easier life, a sister you abused and a dog you killed for food during midwinter. Whatever the case may be, I'm not giving you money only because you asked.

-To the Mormon assholes who knock on my door:

It's Sunday morning, did you know that? Do you bloody fools do Sundays? Because I do. Get the hell out of my face/sight/building/life, please. If you're trying to convert me, leave. You'll have a better shot with a dead Hindu. I get it, you're a couple of nice, young boys who're doing this out of stupidity or selfish gains, guess what? I don't care what you have to offer. I don't care what God wants from me, and I don't care if I'm on my way to hell. And if I am, come visit me there, because the misery just wouldn't be the same without you bastards spiritually harrassing me.

-To that dumbass customer at my workplace:

No we do not sell Thank You Cards in packets of 25 each, we don't because that's simply too god damned specific and the world doesn't revolve around your insanely unique requets. Why would any store have that... and a dollarama of all? What's next, a flying carpet?? Perhaps something stupider? Coming from you, nothing would sound too absurd I guess. And when I finally found you a pack of 20 thank you cards, you go even further with your faggotry, 'these have bells drawn on them, bells symbolize marrige' So WHAT? What the hell man? They're freaking blank, write anything on them that you want. People aren't even going to read the cliche bullcrap you're going to fill this 2-inch piece of paper with. You're a disgrace to human kind, a retarded chicken would probably be more reasonable. Whatever, I hope you die so I can leave a thank-you card at your grave.

-To my revered readers:

Please... I understand why you appear as anonymous, to rid yourself of all possible recognition and consequence. And if staying nameless makes you feel like a Marvel hero, I'm okay with that too.. but atleast let me know through an alternative method who you are. I really value your comments and I'd like to know who you are to embrace you with the gratitude you deserve for your priceless responses and feedback. Please, use a name, or atleast a pseudonym of some sort which lets me distinguish your identity. Your efforts are much appreciated.

Lots of Lav

I can make you wanna' buy a product.

Just felt like writing incompetently on issues I've already discussed a thousand times over.

Are we slaves of the internet?
Slavery, for its effectiveness, relies on utility. And the internet is undeniably the fastest growing need of the proletariat. One might call this completely subjective, as many do not as much as own a computer. But for those who do (and constitute a considerable part of the population), depend on it for more than their local news. Internet has now become the world’s largest community. It allows its consumers the option of choice and grants them the freedom of speech, one with no parallels. This makes it (for those with access) the ideal choice for both interaction and information gathering. Given that it is a major part of all our lives, in a subtle way it has enslaved us. Its absence would not only disturb peace but will leave a void in all our lives. This unquestionable need and dependency has strong implications, as we not only rely on the internet for sociality but we now see it as a valuable and impeccable source of information, ultimately contributing towards its potential of socio-politically enslaving the common man.
If you agree with this, click here.

List of books and movies you should read and watch this summer:
-Amor Estranho Amor (1982) R (you have been warned)
-The Green Mile (1999) R
-Eraserhead (1977) R
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) PG
-Good Will Hunting (1997) G
-Pulp Fiction (1994) PG
-Fight Club (1999) R
-Hot Fuzz (2007) R
-Zeitgeist - The Movie Unrated
-Reservoir Dogs (1992)
-Garden State (2004)
-Dial M for Murder (1954)
-Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
-12 Angry Men (1957)

...I should stop before your summer ends. (This is a growing list)

-Animal Farm -George Orwell
-Life of Pi -Yann Martel
-A Clockwork Orange -Anthony Burgess

I wish you a great summer, seriously.